Friday, February 27, 2015


That unpeeled carrots
Fills me much more
Than the peeled ones
The latter
I can eat, eat, eat, eat
Eat too much
Because it is sweet
And good
Eat too much
But when the peel is on
I feel
Much faster
That it has filled me
I do not need anymore
It is not that
There is more (carrot+peel)
But the bittery taste
Of the peel
Fills me more

Does it  mean
That the surface
Is richer
Than the inside
(Which is only sweet)
The core
Is more important
Than the interior

The visible tells us all
And no need to dig deeper
Under the surface
Where are only empty calories

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Coffee at 3

I like mornings!
Cold shower
Making breakfast to my small ones
Drinking tea
And maybe even coffee
Going out
Bushing the pram with 2
Making fun in the metro
Leaving the happy ones
(and sometimes not so happy ones)
To the day-care
Going to library
Writing, writing, reading, writing,
eating, drinking water,
reading, reading...

But I hate
When the afternoon kicks in
Then I juts want to

Give me coffee at 3!

Thursday, February 12, 2015


Where does it come from and how can it go away?
When he announced about their separation he said: "There is no love."
But... where did it go?
I think that there used to be love.. how can it disappear?

I do not understand.

I have never experienced love that goes away... I think.
Or.. what is love? Confused...

At the same time. When it can start, it should also have the right to stop being, change, disappear..

But when did it start? When I fell in love. Or when I got used to the person and decided to build a life together. Or when I saw him every day and night (not in the mornings as then he is asleep :)). Or when we were having fun together? Or when we had hard times together? When does the love start?
It is all so foggy.

And how can it stop being?
I think I still love the guys that I once had fallen in love. Even if nothing happened between us ever or it was a bit strange and embarrassing (I was a shy girl). But when I think about any of them I feel happy and glad. Kind of similar how I feel about Him, though, with Him everything is real. Or there is a difference of feeling love and feeling happy/nostalgic/cheerful? I guess. But I can not say "there is no love" when I think about them...

Or. Love goes away only when some bitter feelings come in place? I can not feel bitter about what happened in my past because nothing happened. But they were together for so many years.. I think 9 or even more. And many things can be said and many things can be done during that time. People grow and change and their feelings can change. Can they?
It sounds scary.

Can feelings really change? I can not imagine it... but yes, one day I did not love and the next they I was in love. At the same time, I can not imagine that as a mother I stop loving my kids. Or, I can not even imagine that I stop loving Him. It is like one of the essentials of the life, like I could stop breathing or eating.

It is so foggy.

Monday, February 9, 2015


It does not like me
And again, it likes me
Today it does not
It flies by and
It just leaves me on the sofa
I wish it could take me to the tour
But it does not
Maybe I am too heavy today
It can not sweep me
I do not have no glee
And yet again
Some other day
I am so light and cheerful
That I could fly to the Moon and back
Be ready for any adventure
Accomplish so many things in just one day
Not today
Some other day

Friday, February 6, 2015

Murks is Not Good Enough for Estonian Men

In fact, the rumor tells the story the other way around. Estonian Men are not good enough for Murks. This is spread by the elderly women (the mothers of the Estonian Men) and often you can hear it from the Men themselves. I am not really sure what does it mean. Is it like an accusation as if I have refused to keep up the national agenda of making more small Estonians? Or is it more specific - the mothers who say it out think concretely that I refused their son? And the men who say that they think that I have not used an opportunity (ihih) to be with themselves or other man-friend they thought that could have been suitable for me? Somehow you can not hear it from the younger generation of Estonian women, although I have one exception from a girl herself together with an Irish guy who said: "the foreign men are much better than Estonians, aren't they?" I did not now what to answer. I do not think one can distinguish the groups like that....
Of course, Murks is away from the precious homeland because of him, true. But this is definitely Good Enough for both.