Thursday, December 16, 2010

Princess Murks is in the office

Princess Murks is sitting in the office. Eeee. Table. Chair. Computer. Lights. Still empty shelves. Some people in the other boxes. Work. Writing. Reading. Going for a coffee. Looking out form the window. Snow. Parking places. Dark. Work. A bit cold. Scarf. Sitting. Office. Going to look for anybody to talk to. Talk. Come back. Work.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Princess Murks is alone

Going around between places. Meeting many people. Meeting new people. Meeting old acquaintances, even friends. Start talking to people easily. Deciding which ones are worth to spend more time with, which ones are good only for coffee and small chat. Which ones make your head ache and better to avoid, which ones to open your good vine together and go deeper into discussions. There are always people around. Always somebody.
Going around between places. Some evening discovering that you do not have nobody to ask to go and have a beer together. Everyone has their obligations, everyone has their routines that do not include you. Do not want to introduce yourself, do not want to explain again who are you, why are you here, what is your name, what are your ideas about politics, literature, traveling.. Do not want to discover anybody, just want to talk to somebody who knows you, who agrees with you or reacts to your ideas with some interesting plea, interesting story. Not worrying what to tell or not, what could be politically incorrect, maybe could insult somebody. Do not want to be afraid of giving wrong impressions. Just want to be and feel myself. Not worry about some culturally embedded misunderstandings. Uh.
Princess Murks just stays alone. There are always people to discover, to talk to, to feel interested in, to feel free and relaxed as well as uncomfortable around. Even to ask to come and drink a beer together. Have coffee together. They are there. But still, Dr Murks is alone. Always been alone, will always be alone. Sometimes enjoys the company of nice people around and avoids the company of annoying people. Alone is how it is.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Princess Murks is in the country of polite people

People do not smile here.
People speak with a low voice to each other. Very modesty.
People are slow here. The service takes time. But people are willing to wait.
People are modest here.
People do not have high self esteem.
People do not speak foreign languages here or are just shy to speak.
People understand your body language here. They are observing.
People understand you here irrespective of their low language skills.
People are jumping up from the chairs in the tram when an older person enters.
People are opening you doors an letting you in first here.
People are quietly organizing you nice office, nice facilities without even asking if you need them.. they just appear one day as a surprise.
People are giving you all kind of information, describing everything in the smallest detail, so that you do not miss anything.
People are very polite here. Very modest, but very helpful.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Princess Murks is analysing the reason for marriage

Princess Murks went to a wedding. It had been a first wedding after many-many years. Once up on a time there had been weddings once a year, when Princess Murks' sisters and brother got married. During that time it seemed as some kind of true Cristian activity - people just got married when they had decided to be together. Easy. Just like you have a graduation party after finishing school... some kind of celebration for a stage of life.
Since that long time... Princess Murks has finished school without a graduation party. Seen many people living and having kids together without wedding party. Life is happy as it is... no need to spend time to some celebration that makes you worried (nothing happens on time) and nervous (is everybody in a good mood) and make you spend a lot of money you could use for traveling or just for food...
It does not seem to be important for Princess Murks. Seems more like some kind of waste of energy on bureaucracy. Why not just to be together and be sure about your partner without signing some papers. Or, then, not sure anymore and go apart without any worries about some given signatures. There are may people who think similarly - waste, waste, waste!
Still, some people get married for some reason. "Why?" asks Princess Murks. And, even more interesting after opening this question, some people do not get married but they have dreams about it. Asking "Why?" from these people is even more interesting question... So, Princess Murks has conducted a small study on this topic: why to get married?
The sources that have been combined by many conversations made during last years with older, younger people. If you recognize yourself, it does not mean that you are the only one who had said it to Princess Murks.
For those, who have got married, it seem to have been:
1. just a normal course of life;
2. to get married because everybody does and not to induce some unnecessary gossip;
3. to have the same surname for the whole family - especially, in the case of having kids;
4. to have the party;
5. to get secure feeling.
For those who did not get married but (maybe) would like to the results were a bit gender-biased, though the last point was pointed out by both sexes:
1. men: the ultimate symbol of love;
2. men: ways to show your partner romantic feelings and ability to commit;
3. girls point of view: "my man does not propose me";
4. girls without a partner: having a dream about a price on a white horse and beautiful party as a beginning of a new stage of life;
5. a moment of truth between partners who are having kids together and having everyday life together already for a longer time (they avoid this topic because in the everyday struggle the truth seem to change its' colors relatively fast).

Friday, September 17, 2010

Princess Murks is observing people in the Cafe of Umeå University

Ou-ou. Ou, these Swedes. Swedish youth are a punch of Wannabe PUNKs.
There is this guy hands full of screaming tattoos. Scary. Really scary. Wearing a T-shirt that says: "something DEAD" on it. Wearing sneakers with skulls and crossbones. STILL. He is sweeping his nose with perfectly square tissue paper and drinking watery brygg-coffee. Where is the bottle of beer in front of him (it is 11pm but this gives even more reasons to drink)? Where are the "tatilärakad"(read: snot-spots) on the ground?
And these girls. They seem to be even worse examples of Wannabe PUNKs. Or then, anouthe alternative, just some bad examples of 1980s. Those stockings or tight-tight trousers and the short-short skirt that you can easily see if they have shaved vagina or not. Those stripy relatively bright or then simply black-grey tops that have big bra-revealing necking. And sneakers, of cause, the sneakers. STILL. They have perfect manicure, perfect haircut, perfect make-up. The overall feeling and smell of ironed clothes and shower every evening and morning. And the purse that looks like from the latest fashion magazine. Where are the shaky hands of night-long party and smoke? Where are the red eyes of sleepless night?
PUNK? Why do they so much like to use these references to PUNK-culture? They want to shock and be alternative, be original, be different! But they are unable to really grasp the essence of shock culture, revolutionary culture of PUNK. PUNK is not a dressing style. PUNK is a lifestyle. Devaluing the PUNK is sad.
(read as well:

Friday, August 20, 2010

Princess Murks is a hostess

Princess Murks is used to knock on the doors. Drag her rucksack to somebodies quest room or sofa. Or simply on the carpet in the living room... Bring some good vine or some snacks, sit in the kitchen of some relatives or friends and know where the cups and coffee is kept. Spending some time and discussing some thoughts till the time passes and Princess Murks needs to go again.

This time it was different. Princess Murks cold be the hostess. Strange, strange, strange. Princess Murks knew where to find bedsheets and towels. How to start the sauna... Was careful to keep the floor "sort of" clean. Knew where to find thread-nd-needle and other tools the guests needed. Knew how to switch in the washing, the dish-washing and the coffee machines. How to prepare the table for a cozy dinner. Had to generate ideas what nice to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner; where to go to have fun and see interesting places; what to do at home. Uhuhuuu!

Bizarre to be a hostess not the guestess.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Princess Murks is lost in the light

There are no nights
No darkness what so ever
When does the day start?
If there are no nights can there still be days?
Is it just one big light?
or small but lasting for long time?
The light is never-ending
Do I have to sleep during the day or night or light?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Princess Murks is in the rain

Princess Murks is in the rain. Rain is everywhere. The hair is full of rain. The mouth is full of rain. The feet are stuck in a pond. The rain is tripping down the skin. The rain is finding the way into Princess Murks' eyes and make them rain as well. Rain, rain, rain.
The rain is making things melt. Princess Murks had a crown of marzipan ans caramel, the rain has made it melt. Princess Murks has even more rain in her eyes. More rain in her eyes...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Princess Murks does not want to speak

No words. There are some days when Princess Murks does not say anything to anybody. Princess Murks does not want to speak. And, not the last reason, there is nobody to talk to.
Hmmm, of cause there are people around. There are people living in the next houses, there are people walking on the streets, there are people biking in the streets, running in the streets. There are people sitting in the library, sitting in the cafeteria, there are people... Sometimes Princess Murks smiles to them and they smile back, but then the eyes are turned fast and... there is nobody to talk to.
Princess Murks enjoys this silence. Princess Murks does not want to break the silence. When there is silence then there is mystery. And Princess Murks is afraid that the real life is so-so much more boring than the mystery. With the silence Princess Murks can let the imagination fly. Princess Murks can think up what kind of people might those be here. She can think up their everyday life, what are their hobbies, their thoughts, their desires. If she started to talk to them she might find that they are lame and boring.
Besides, Princess Murks does not like to explain about herself. She knows what are the first questions: "What is your name? Where are you from? What are you doing here? What is your work about?" Urrrr, the most boring questions one can ever think of! And after those, the conversation is normally over... Why people just do not start talking about the important things? Why they need to know all this background information? Princess Murks would like to hear about something interesting, something exciting that happened in last days, something philosophical about life, something new, something...

At the same time... it is also boring when there is nobody to talk to.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Princess Murks has lost the excitement of distance

There has always been some kind of mysterious aura around traveling. Excitement of seeing something new, different, experiencing something new and different. Strange and exotic. Seeing in reality the life that one has been seen pictures about, movies about, read books and travel-diaries about, heard stories about and considered to be something that could be also just made up world. Nothing to do with me! Separate place and separate life and separate feelings. Traveling is an excitement that one can never go through by living in one place only. Excitement, that one-place-rooted person can only see in dreams. Excitement, that one-place-rooted person even fears, is afraid of, never wants to feel and experience and, therefore, never goes anywhere.
Princess Murks has lost this kind of excitement. The destinations are not so exotic anymore. There is no fear for meeting something unexpected, unpleasant. There is no excitement like that... There is nothing totally especial anywhere! Nothing, that Princess Murks has not seen anywhere else, is afraid of discover or fairs to fall into. Nothing.
The "new" experiences are more like... Like the variations of the commonplace. There are human conventions that the "new" people have their personal or cultural variation of. There are nature conventions that the "new" landscapes have their topological or climatological variation of. Those can all be generalized. It is the common everyday life, everyday problems, everyday joy.
Do not misunderstand Princess Murks - it does not mean that it is not interesting to travel. It is not that Princess Murks is tired of traveling. Traveling has not became lame or boring! It is not the case, indeed!!! The seeing something new, the feeling something new has become a part of everyday realities for Princess Murks. The need to compare, the need to discover Princess Murks' own reactions the need to change Princess Murks' own convictions every day has become an addiction. Princess Murks could not stay still and be one-place-rooted, Princess Murks needs this variation of people, variation of landscapes to develop as a person. Not because of the excitement but because of the...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Princess Murks is using the Potion

Serious. Serious matters. Serious life. Tell me one thing that is serious in life?
Princess Murks is turning everything that starts to smell a little bit serious into a joke, a carnival, a clown, an animal in the zoo.
People who look and try to sound serious are silly, they can be observed as some clown or animal making their performance. The situations that are serious or even a scary make Princess Murks laugh (or, honestly, sometimes cry) just that their seriousness could vanish and it DOES.

Vanish, vanish seriousness! Yes, nothing left of it.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Princess Murks is having intensive interior monologues

Princess Murks is tired. It is really tiring to always listen to ones own thoughts. They are just coming and coming. One can not end while the other one is already there. So many different ones. No one is overlapping.
Princess Murks wishes her brain could just thinking about simple things. Like: "chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, nuts, nuts, nuts!" And for longer time than just few seconds.
Princess Murks wishes that she could have time to think about all these thoughts for longer time than just the short period before the next one steps in.
Princess Murks wishes she had all the time to fulfill all these excellent ideas. No time. No time. Only ideas flowing over and nothing visible is changing.
Only the herpes is appearing on Princess Murks' lips to show that there IS something going on. This something is happening only inside her, all these great ideas take form only inside her and disappear again to make room for the next.
Princess Murks is the same. The world is changing. The ideas are changing in Princess Murks' head. After spending the day of doing nothing but letting the ideas flow through, Princess Murks is tired.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Princess Murks is living in the metro

Princess Murks has never before lived in a town with a metro. Now, having living in one already for 5 months, Princess Murks suddenly realizes how much the metro is influencing her life. How much time she spends there, how much it connects her life between different places, how many things she does there, how many thoughts she thinks there. The metro has become a place itself, with its own identity, activities, meanings.
What happens during the time spent in metro:
- Reading, a lot of reading. Metro has the best atmosphere to concentrate on books and articles. One day Princess Murks will sit in the metro and go round-and-round just to read a good book.
- Smells. It does not stink, but quite often one can smell some smoke, some weed...
- The languages. It is nice to sit and listen to people talking foreign languages and try to understand them - Swedish, Spanish, Russian, Finnish, English... Or then just to take a free newspaper from the bench and try to read, easier even to read the advertisements. And to repeat the names of the stations after the official voice.
- The styles. What people are wearing, what are the details, how they make themselves look like. Who is stylish? Who is not stylish?
- Hairiness. Totally new topic for Princess Murks, but it is so interesting to look what kind of hair people have in their face. Specially interesting are the eyebrows. How the eyebrows are styled? Metro is a perfect place to make quite close observations about the hair :).
- Writing. To take out a notebook and write down all the turbid ideas of the day. Also the plan - what needs to be done when the metro-trip is over.
- A conversation. Has not really happened so far. And Princess Murks has not missed it. Better to be on a silent observer or introvert position. Mind your own business.
- Think. Just sit and watch with empty eyes into the distance. Maybe think of something. Or just close the eyes and try to rest them, sleep.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Princess Murks is battlefield for estrogen and progesterone

Uh. A human being is a biological compound. There are many interesting chemical, physical, etc processes going on in the body. So interesting. specially interesting is the way they effect your thoughts, your mind, your behavior.
Princess Murks is making observations with herself. Measuring her body temperature every morning. They say it shows the balance of the estrogen and progesterone in the body: which of the hormone is dominating. Approximately it should be that two weeks are for estrogen and then, the next two, for progesterone. It may vary for different reasons. Anyway, when the morning temperature is lower then the estrogen is ruling, when the morning temperature rises the progesterone takes over, and again, and again... They defeat each other in approximately every two weeks. Uh, what a battle!
Princess Murks has been writing a reaction paper to the situation:
Well. The feelings are diverse. In general, I am against any kind of war and battles but in this situation when the sequence is relatively equal and well-known then the little struggle makes the life actually more interesting and eventful. And, at the same time, the variation makes changes also in the other spheres - the activities, the thoughts the feelings, etc.
For example, when I feel the urgent need to make sports, go out and run to the end of the world, as well as make new perfect plans for my life, have many ideal ideas, solutions to every problem, as well as feel energetic and full of confidence and power etc.. this means tomorrow the estrogen will have been defeated the Other. And then I have much energy, can accomplish enormous amount of things but also want ot sleep a lot and deeply.
And, the other... when progesterone has the lead. Mostly no energy, have to force myself to do something besides nothing. Can go out with people who are not my close friends and not really care about being happy and cheerful with them. Just nod and maybe laugh a bit when the joke was really funny. Do not care about being nice. Do not care about what the future brings. Just floating with the stream or just hiding in my bubble.
Quite the opposite sides of myself! Fantastic! Just supporting the winning team...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Princess Murks is traveling in dreams

Princess Murks is traveling. Not a big news. even the blog here is a travel-log as everyone can read from the title. But still sometimes it is surprising. Surprising even for Princess Murks. Few examples:
1. Princess Murks is seemingly living in one place already for one week but every night when she goes to sleep she starts traveling. The trips are so clear. Meeting friends. Doing fun things with them - oaring a boat, skiing, having a beer in a bar, going to a cinema... Having conversations. Princess Murks feels tired and confused in the morning. Where am I now? it is hard to wake up. Needs a special effort to call back her soul to the body. Normally it takes even few hours to wake up. To come back...
2. Somebody asks Princess Murks: "So, are you the only one from your family who is living abroad?" Eh? What? Living abroad? No, Princess Murks is not living abroad. Princess Murks is just traveling. Or living? Or traveling? Or living? Is there really a big difference? Princess Murks can answer: "Yes, the others form my family are traveling at home" :)

Monday, January 4, 2010

Princess Murks is handicapped

Annoying. Annoying to be handicapped. The pitying of other people is the worse - it reminds It and then Princess Murks can not have normal time or normal conversation with these people anymore.
"Look what she has!", "Look what you have!" When they say like that then Princess Murks feels that This Thing is even growing bigger and it is impossible to hide It. And those people who make the comments will not see behind It, they can only see the weirdness, the abnormality, the handicapped. Princess Murks starts blushing, wants to hide, be in another place, fade away. Uuuh!
And what is so special about it? People should be polite enough to not mention it when they see it. Everybody knows that it is impolite to make comment about somebodies' wooden leg or chopped fingers, even chicken breasts should be left out of conversation. Hardly ever people mention the big ass or fat thighs of Princess Murks but they mention This...
And what can Princess Murks do? Princess Murks can hide It sometimes for short while but then It has to be there, on Its' place again. Let It be. Let It just be there and let it not to make a trouble for anybody. Let Princess Murks have her Big Smile.